From the Beginning

Candy. Cards. Flowers. What's not to love, right? 
Not gonna lie...I've never been a big fan of Valentine's Day.  Outside the box...again.  Maybe it's because back in those 'formative' days, I was always the single one.  The one everyone felt sorry for.  The one all the girls (who had boyfriends) bought candy for just to make her feel 'more loved.'  Pathetic is what I felt like.  And my mom did her best to try and change me into a lover of this day of 'love' but each year I still went to school dressed in b-l-a-c-k.

Fast forward 15 years...there's more love to go around this place than imaginable.  From TOH, to my girls who have (strategically!) been trained to love their mama!, to great friends, to amazing family, the cup of love is overflowin'.
Take this, for example, a post that was put on Facebook the other day from a fellow co-worker/friend...
"Spread love everywhere you go: first of all in your own house. Give love to your children, to your wife or husband, to a next door neighbor... Let no one ever come to you without leaving better and happier. Be the living expression of God's kindness; kindness in your face, kindness in your eyes, kindness in your smile, kindness in your warm greeting."
-Mother Theresa

At the end of this, she stated that it reminded her of me....what??  I thought I had misread it. 
In all honesty, I thought it was one of those things that you tagged like 10 people in, but later came to find out that no, that was not that case.  I was the lone soldier, the only recipient.  God love her. 

But no matter how much love there may be, there has always been something that has made me dislike the whole idea of Valentine's Day...

Then came Vday 2006. 
Although I won't dive into major details...someone I have always and will forever hold forever very close to my heart was taken from us on this day.  At first, I was angry. Very angry. I was selfish.  I didn't understand.  When I was alone, I cried...for days.  She was amazing.  She was one-of-a-kind.  She was unlike any other.  Why?  Why did she have to be the one?  It wasn't fair.  And on this of all days.  This was supposed  to be a day of love. 
But as the days passed, it all started to make sense.  (And I apologize now if this is starting to get too deep-bail out now if you're not all for it because it will only get deeper).  As I sat in that church and listened to everyone talk about how wonderful her life was and what an amazing person she was, I actually gained a lot of clarity.  Through all of my tears, through all of the Kleenexes, I had revelations.  Lots of them.  For the first time in my life I looked a death in a totally different way than I had ever done before.  She had a purpose in her life.  She taught us all lessons.  She achieved what she was meant to do here.  She made an unbelievable impression on everyone that she came in contact with.  She made everyone she knew a better person.

There are only a handful of you who will know this amazing person I am talking about, and for those of you who don't, please don't ask, because even though I know you care, I'm not up for sharing.  (Sorry, I know that sounds harsh...but this is one of the more personal posts I've written & just don't feel like explaining...no harm intended!)

Since the beginning, I have always known there was something about Valentine's Day & me that didn't mix well. And in between all the cards, homemade valentines, roses, champagne, and chocolates that fill our house today, inside I celebrate this holiday in a different kind of way than most probably do. It's full of love...just a very different  kind of love.